Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
