The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
