Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
