I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
