happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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