I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
