did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
