All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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