i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will be naked everywhere
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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