I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Randomize
