Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
