chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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