I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
