dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
