I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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