everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
