So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
