remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
