I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
