Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
