so that wasnt chicken after all
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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