OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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