rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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