I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
