Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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