I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
