Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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