New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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