Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
