Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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