I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
