Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
