dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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