we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
