eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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