If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
