i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
