dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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