Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
