12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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