The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
