Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
