Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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