fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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