i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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