drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
