Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
