On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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