I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
