I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize