You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
