McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
