I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I want is dick and wine.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
