You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
