My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
