GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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