Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
