i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
