that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
