I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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