This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
