Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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