Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
