This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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