She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
