the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
