You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
