talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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