I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
