I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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