Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
