People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
