the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
