and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
