somebody snuck up and got me drunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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