my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Michael Bay diarrhea
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
