DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How does one acquire holy water?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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