The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
