Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
