There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
